Underground Poetry. Suicide. No Second Chance.
62Farewell to a Friend
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Starts in Depression
This is an epitaph... An epitaph born of sadness and a need to understand. An epitaph to a friend whose cry for help went on years, but wasn't heard until it was too late...
this epitaph is for all the others; his family of friends. For blood relations as well as those who shared the great gift of knowing you Chris.
For her birthday, you once gave my year old daughter Laurenn, a special gift you made in shop class at jr high school. It was her first wooden pull toy. How she loved that crocodile's mouth opening, closing and clacking away.
She pulled it through the house- by the string you personally cut, looped, and knotted; fitted especially to her new chubby fingers... She slept with that Croc' .
I remember driving to West Barrington one day- to see a new baby boy, recently born to my good friends Al and Bernadette.
Al and I shared Narragansett beer in celebration of that new life. I toasted the occasion with good cheer and friendship. That same bundle of boy, twelve years later - gave my daughter Laurenn, a wonderful new wooden toy that clicked and clacked, made her laugh and squeal like little girls do.
This epitaph is for you Christopher. It is for me.
Christopher W.
Not to live...
no more to see, the morning star~
Not to wake- the slumber long ~ eternal.
Death has stolen another life...
welcome relief? perhaps...
What mode of relief for those still in need-
bereaved ones- the left behind ones?
A torn mother’s heart shredded~
consumed with horror.
A grieving father- his seed extinguished.
Siblings gathered, solemn in stilled silence...
struggling with sorrow ~
shedding tears of torment.
Your children clinging to,
an ex wife’s black dress,
their faces blank
portraits in numbness.
Your friends; their internalized frustration-
the anger, the love, the cursing
all for you young friend...
brother and father ~ uncle ~ no longer.
Folks speculate ~ shake their heads.
Suicide!
What desperation drove you?
You stopped your heart Christopher,
and those of the ones...
who loved you, the ones left wracked in emotion-
in graveside sadness.
Sorrow tied the knot, on July the 4th.
I question son,
would sadness compel you,
grey sorrow drive you...
So vigorously today?
gg.zaino©ΑΣΛ™
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very awesome poem gotta print up a copy ! very good job ! lookin forward to reading lots more of yours!
Hi greg,
I was just browsing and I realised I hadn't read this one. I've got to admit it certainly tugged at the heartstrings.
My beautiful musically talented sister Val took her own life eleven years ago because of people from our past and I have even got to agree with Jo DOrlando above I called my sister selfish for having left me but today I don't . She was not mentally strong enough to cope with so many issues and who are we to comment??!
It wouldn't enter my mind to do it and I think that whatever is troubling me today will probably not be so much of an issue tomorrow. They had so much of life left to live didn't they and I empathise with the pain you felt at losing your friend in this way.
You really are very talented greg
This is a brilliant hub, also beautiful pictures that were so appropriate.
Take care and God Bless greg.
Ahhh ,my ffrind Eiddwen! Thank you visiting this story. It was another life drained until there was no more give. At this writing, his devilish, blond banged,childhood face stands before me, handing my daughter her new 'Bestest' toy ever..
- one made of wood she pulled along on the end of a string. one that clicked and clacked for that little princess.
Thank you sharing the story of your own experience Eiddwen. I appreciate your trust in releasing this memory. It surely is hard to take but i understand where he was. I too stood in his shoes once.
I believe it was his choice to decide his destiny, i only regret i wasn't there celebrating independence day as i normally would have been.
that holiday was special for that family. Al, his father has made the 4th of july his own and has had a huge gathering and clam boil at the homestead since 1969.. it will take on new meaning now.
Salude Christopher!
Peace Eiddwen :I
I have thought of suicide many many times but had not enough courage to attempt anything..Depression is so painful...I have no motivation in life, get irritated easily,getting out of bed is a huge task..I wish God could end the suffering for me..Recently my ex-boyfriend left me..we were planning to get married..he did the same exact thing 20 years ago..he told me he is sorry..will come by end Nov or beginning Dec..I used to work..after this...I stopped..I am Chritian..plead with God to help me with my depression and everything but to no avail..everything got worse
Judy, I feel your pain. I have been there and found myself living on the street for a time. I wanted out, but was spared for a higher purpose or reason to live.
We are all given the tools to end our existence, as well as those that will rebuild our existence or "Self"... Regret, Shame, and Guilt retard growth- get rid of them. In a truly just world we need only pay for a mistake once.
Keep everything in the "Day" Judy. That is all you or I have...just today!
Yesterday was, today is, tomorrow may not arrive. Sounds simple, but it is just that simple.
Give 100% to all your endeavors, be honest, keep your word, allow for others insanity. Don't allow others to define you, don't look for their approval, be yourself, and never settle for anything lees than who or what you want.
By doing so, you put unreasonable demands on that other person or object.If you want a new car but settle for a questionable used auto, expect disappointment. Look at a cars service history, just as you would a man or womans when choosing a partner.
Your God in the Christian sense, has given you the tools to work for that new car. He or she will not hand it to you. Work hard to redefine yourself. Be conscientious of your moods and what sets them off. Lose the anger. It is yours alone, you do that to yourself. Nobody can make you do anything you don't give permission to... Learn to "Feel"
You will find your problem is internal. You have lost a basic ingredient to life, just as the multitudes of the planet also have.
Don't rely on the madness of the planet to solve your 'ills'. The society we live in is sick, you are a symptom. Be a symptom no longer. The Buddhists have a unique outlook, christ adopted it and is given credit for it , but 500 years before he was born, the Buddha walked the planet, and spread the word of harmony with our environment.
Look into a hub or two. "Robwrite" is a colleague of mine who can enlighten you further. Search him and talk to him.
Save yourself Judy, lose the old baggage, associate with honest people, and don't be afraid to investigate other avenues outside of Christianity.
I too was a Christian when my life was at its lowest self destructive point... I live the word of your Jesus' message , but don't follow that he was God.
Peace to you my brokenhearted friend. The heart is resilient, you'll survive. Suicide is an easy way out, a losers move.
Remember, Whatever is worth having is worth having only if we work hard for achievement of that higher purpose.
Walk the walk and talk the talk. You may consider a twelve step program.
I found that much of my heartache, actions, depression, and will not to live was caused from a late in life diagnosis of Bi-Polar disorder. See a doctor and stay on the antidepressants. Do not miss your doses, and remain on them for life if thats what it takes. A brave new world awaits you Judy... just a thought!
Peace to you sister ~ greg Z :]
having survived the suicide of my husband last year, i must comment to all that they are not cowards or hell bent, his depression ate away at him as a cancer, to many meds and no solutions, he lost all hope, and i do believe that after he pulled that trigger in the second, he did regret it, i believe God whisked him away before he hit the ground. depression is an evil sidekick that can't always be shaken, to anyone thinking about, find hope, anywhere anyhow, change doctors, find new paths of faith to follow, but never give up, with hope and faith may come peace of mind,God bless us all, the depressed who battle everyday for sanity and the survivors of those depressed that didn't
Kate, Thank you for the view and insightful comment.Your loss is great, and your voice is powerful to all involved in this business of helping one another understand.
Hope and support, two main ingredients for success in battling the demon of depression. There is a way out.
Peace sister... greg
gg.zaino- ty a writer without words poetic huh. Your epitath touched my heart. There are no words to describe what you and yours, Christopher's family and friends and all the future generations of children who will miss the feel of a specially crafted string made just for their tiny hands feels like (just like Laurenn did.)But forgotten Crocs and friendship and love,laughter etc? I don't think so if the beauty of your work here is any indication of the man he will always be remembered in fond memories or even by the subtle creaking of a wooden wheel.
Laura- Very well written response....
a poem in itself-
"all the future generations
of children who
will miss the feel
of a specially
crafted string...
made just for their tiny hands."
thank you for your fine words Laura-
and the insight you prove- for the pain of a fine friend,
one who saw taking his own life; the only option for his dark world.
Peace my friend
greg
peace back to you-yours and Christopher's remaining family members-beautiful well written from the heart work like I commented earlier-You are welcome.
Jo DOrlando 2 years ago
suicide always brings me to this:
You say there ain't no use in livin'; it's all a waste of time
And you wanna throw your life away, well people that's just fine (Go on do it)
Go ahead on 'n get it over with then, find you a bridge and take a jump
Just make sure you do it right the first time, 'cause nothin's worse than a Suicide Chump
I'm sorry but as a nurse I can think of nothing more arrogant than someone committing suicide. Yeah, its a cry for help...yeah, we shoilda seen it coming...but still...how fucking selfish to make someone that you love, usually, FIND YOU dead
nothin' personal...just sayin'
btw, its one of the UNFORGIVABLES
a good friend of mine HUNG himself...pathetic